101 Things You Can't Do In PPTH
by The Sarcastic Polar Bear
Summary: Hospitals have always had a few rules, but nobody would imagine that there are 101 rules that must never be broken. That means you. Crackfic, co-written with obsessedwithstabler.


**Hi, readers. A little crackfic for you to laugh at! This was co-written with obsessedwithstabler. Mine are even numbers, obsessedwithstabler's are the odd ones and 100.  
**

1. Thou shalt not give Chase hormone shots to turn him into a girl

2. Thou shalt not make Chase hide under a table and scream like a girl

3. Thou shalt not buy Foreman a curly wig with a comb stuck in it

4. Thou shalt not encourage Wilson to buy the soundtrack to Mamma Mia!

5. Thou shalt not lock a drunken Thirteen in a tiny closet with anybody

6 .Thou shalt not remove Chase's clothing while he sleeps in the nurse's lounge, then point and laugh at his Batman underwear.

7. Thou shalt not remove Wilson's eyebrows and sell them on eBay

8. Thou shalt not replace House's motorcycle with a child's bicycle.

9. Thou shalt not put cocaine in Wilson's coffee. Such behavior will cause him to get high and lose his job

10. Thou shalt not encourage a drunken Chase to sing, I Feel Pretty.

11. Thou shalt not replace Chase's white coat with a pink coat with Barbie on the back

12. Thou shalt not bedazzle Foreman's coat

13. Thou shalt not attempt to remove Foreman's beard and glue it to his head.

14. Thou shalt not bake 'special' brownies, then give them to House

15. Thou shalt not butter Foreman's head whilst singing, "Make it shine!"

16. Thou shalt not request that Chase get you an autograph from the queen of England.

17. Thou shalt not shave Chase's hair and sell it in a jar on eBay

18. Thou shalt not replace House's Vicoden with estrogen.

19. Thou shalt not steal all of House's clothes and force him to live in nudity, no matter how much it may pleaseth your hormones

20. Thou shalt not shave the words I'm Da Boss in the back of House's head while he is drunk.

21. Thou shalt not grab House's markers and runneth away with them whilst screaming, "YOU'LL 22. NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE, DOCTORS!"

22. Thou shalt not yank hair from Chase's head, then shout, "Damn, it is real!"

23. Thou shalt not replace the heels on Cuddy's shoes with very fragile twigs

24. Thou shalt not replace Cameron's birth control with carefully cut Sweet Tarts

25. Thou shalt not place an adorable kitten in Foreman's coat pocket whilst he yells at Taub.

26. Thou shalt not hit Chase in the back of the head with a folding chair, then wave your hand in his face and scream, "You can't see me!"

27. Thou shalt not kidnap a baby and tell Cameron and House that it is theirs. Thou shalt also not do this to House and Cuddy.

28. Thou shalt not run into the board room nude and scream, "They're coming to take me away!"

29. Thou shalt not place a giant spider in Chase's locker with a note saying, "FROM THE SPIDEY-MAN!

30. Thou shalt not cover Chase in stamps and attempt to shove him into a mailbox.

31. Thou shalt not tie House's shoelaces together whilst he is drunk. Such behavior is cruel.

32. Thou shalt not steal House's cane. Doing so may result in death by bologna

33. Thou shalt not remodel Wilson's house with bling whilst he is shopping

34. Thou shalt not follow House around and comment on everything wiz ze french accent

35. Thou shalt not inspire Taub to become a hippie

36. Thou shalt not shave Chase, remove his clothes, then point and yell, "Oh my god, a wombat is loose in the hospital! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

37. Thou shalt not chase Cuddy on a bicycle whilst chanting, "I'll get you, my Dean! And your little hospital, too!"

38. Thou shalt not tape House and Cameron having sex in the board room, then send the tape to Playboy

39. Thou shalt not fill House's sink with crippled kittens all named House

40. Thou shalt not attach strings to Chase, then yell, "Dance, puppet, DANCE!"

41. Thou shalt not waltz into House's office naked and say in a sexy tone, "I'm ready, big boy!"

42. Thou shalt not play It's Raining Men each time Wilson removes his jacket.

43. Thou shalt not register Thirteen as a sex offender

44. Thou shalt not find a dog, then encourage it to hump Chase's leg while saying, "Look, Chase. You finally found the right guy!"

45. Thou shalt not storm up to Stacy and scream, "YOU HURT HOUSE!" and then slap her with a bike wheel

46 .Thou shalt not run up to House and say, "Daddy!"

47. Thou shalt not inspire Foreman to join Soulja Boy

48. Thou shalt not ask the team questions and write in a notepad, then say you are evaluating their mental statuses when they ask what you are doing

49. Thou shalt not, under any circumstances, allow Stacy and House to be in a closet with fertility treatment

50. Thou shalt not stab Stacy with a rusty spork.

51. Thou shalt not replace Chase's shoes with ballet shoes and his pants with a tutu

52. Thou shalt not buy Axe For Sick Cats for Chase.

53. Thou shalt not strike Lucas with a frying pan then sing, "OLD DAN TUCKER WAS A FINE OLD MAN, WASHED HIS FACE IN A FRYING PAN!"

54. Thou shalt not say, "It's Hammer Time!" every time Foreman walks by.

55. Thou shalt not allow Foreman near a Ferrari dealer

56. Thou shalt not tapdance into the board room.

57. Thou shalt not forbid House from removing his shirt in public

58. Thou shalt not buy House a monster truck '

59. Thou shalt not buy extra-small condoms and give them to Chase for Christmas

60. Thou shalt not dress Foreman and Chase in drag, then hold a contest to see who is prettier.

61. Thou shalt not put Chase on the back of a wild horse and force him to sing "She'll Be Comin' Around the Mountain."

62. Thou shalt not sell Wilson's underwear on Ebay.

63. Thou shalt not stalk up to Foreman and hold a gun to his head whilst whispering, "Seven days..."

64. Thou shalt not infect Chase and Foreman with the T Virus, then blow their heads off and say, "Damn, that was fun!"

65. Thou shalt not hire a fat woman to kidnap Lucas and drown him in a kiddie pool then tie the body to a flag pole

66. Thou shalt not install Guitar Hero in the board room, then challenge House to play.

67. Thou shalt not cover Foreman in peanut butter and jelly and sing, "It's peanut butter jelly time!" over and over

68. Thou shalt not lie naked in House's bed, then say, "I'll make you a man!"

69. Thou shalt not beat Lucas with a chicken leg and make chicken sounds.

70. Thou shalt not inspire Wilson to join Broadway

71. Thou shalt not send Taub to a Midget Facility

72. Thou shalt not encourage House to enter a drag racing competition

73. Thou shalt not tell a small child that Taub's nose is a pinata that will burst when smacked

74. Thou shalt not cover Stacy in cheese, then toss her into a rat infested sewer

75. Thou shalt not force House to streak in a preschool

76. Thou shalt not put Chase and Foreman on a flying carpet and force them to sing A Whole New World. This is insulting to Aladdin.

77. Thou shalt not run Stacy over with a reindeer whilst humming, "Grandma got run over by a reindeer!"

78. Thou shalt not cover Lucas in honey, then lock him in the bear exhibit at any zoo.

79. Thou shalt not place a sale sticker on Lucas and sell him to a meat factory

80. Thou shalt not cover Stacy in honey, then tie her to a stake beside a fireant hill.

81. Thou shalt not pour grease on Lucas and tie him up and strand him in grizzly bear country.

82. Thou shalt not cover Chase in honey, then shake a hive of bees and tie it around his neck.

83. Thou shalt not tie meat to Stacy and drop her in shark infested waters.

84. Thou shalt not lock Chase and Foreman in a closet with a bottle of KY Jelly. This is insulting to KY Jelly.

85. Thou shalt not move a drunken House into a gingerbread house.

86. Thou shalt not cuff Chase to a bathtub, then say, "I want to play a game with you."

87. Thou shalt not hit Lucas in the back of the head with a toilet lid and shove him into a toilet.

88. Thou shalt not put Chase's hair in pigtails, then force him to sing I'm Gettin' Nuttin' For Christmas.

89. Thou shalt not order 100 extra large pizzas and send them to Lucas and force him to pay

90. Thou shalt not TP Chase's house, then set it on fire while he sleeps.

91. Thou shalt not forbid House from making out with whomever thou likes him with whilst at a differential.

92. Thou shalt not hit Chase with a cow and scream, "BEEF! IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER, BITCH!"

93. Thou shalt not allow House to buy condoms. Such behavior is prohibited.

94. Thou shalt not cut off Stacy's head, then say, "Damn. I thought she'd at least run around for a while."

95. Thou shalt not plant a rusty barbwire tripwire in Lucas's doorway

96. Thou shalt not lock Chase in a jail cell with a man named Big Bubba.

97. Thou shalt not push a drunken Stacy down Mount Everest in a child's wagon.

98. Thou shalt not hit Stacy repeatedly with a stripper pole, then say, "My bad. I thought you knew what to do with these things.

99. Thou shalt not push Lucas into the ocean with a meat chain around his neck whilst chanting, "Here, sharkie, sharkie!"

100. Thou shalt not tenderize Chase with a meat cleaver, then process him and serve him at Burger King.

101. Thou shalt pair House with whomever thou likes, then encourage them to procreate


End file.
